What I’d Tell My Younger Self About Raising a Gifted Child

Support for parents of gifted and neurodivergent children

When my son was three, he taught himself to read.

Six months later, he was writing. As first-time parents, we were simply impressed — learning came easily to him, and we didn’t think much more of it.

By four, he was obsessed with astronomy, then chemistry, then physics. His curiosity was endless, and our weekly library trips became routine. We were proud… but there were also things that worried us.

He struggled to make friends. His interests were far beyond his peers. He was intensely perfectionistic, avoided anything he might fail at, and felt things deeply.

Two years later, my daughter followed a similar path — same curiosity, same depth — but a very different response. Where my son stood out, she tried to fit in. She began to hide her abilities at school.

At home, both of our children were full of ideas, questions, and creativity. But at school, they weren’t thriving.

When Bright Doesn’t Mean Thriving

As the gap between home and school grew, we sought answers and had both children assessed by an educational psychologist.

The results confirmed it: both were highly gifted.

I felt relief — and then overwhelm.

What does raising a gifted child actually look like?
How do you support their learning without pushing too hard?
What happens when a gifted child is struggling at school?

We turned to the school for guidance, but there were no clear answers. We were told to “let them be children.” While well-intentioned, it didn’t address what we were seeing.

Because my son was changing.

He was disengaging. Bored. Lonely.

By seven, he had started to shut down. His questions went unanswered, so he stopped asking. One night, I found him in bed, sobbing:

“I feel like I’m losing my spark… I don’t know who I am anymore and I don't know if I belong here.”

When You Realise You Have to Find Your Own Answers

That moment changed everything.

I realised I couldn’t wait for the system to catch up — I had to find a way to support my child myself.

What started with small steps — connecting with other parents, organising playdates — grew into something much bigger. Together with educators and families, we established a one-day school for gifted learners.

Today, that programme supports hundreds of students and works alongside schools to better meet the needs of gifted and neurodivergent children.

But back then, I was just a parent trying to figure it out.

What I’d Do Again (And What I’d Change)

Looking back, there are things I would hold onto — and things I would do differently.

1. Trust your instincts sooner

If your child feels different, there’s usually a reason.

Do again: Stay curious and observant.
Change: Trust yourself earlier and act sooner.

2. Stop trying to make your child fit the system

Not every school environment meets the needs of gifted learners.

Do again: Build and maintain strong relationships with your child’s educators, your journey will be so much easier if they are your allies.
Change: Advocate earlier when things aren’t working.

3. Understand that big emotions are part of giftedness

Emotional intensity is common in gifted and neurodivergent children.

Do again: Support emotional development and explain openly why they are experiencing the world in a different way.
Change: Focus less on “fixing” behaviour and more on understanding it.

4. Focus on strengths, not just challenges

Strengths build confidence, identity, and wellbeing.

Do again: Encourage passions deeply, facilitate experiences wherever you can.
Change: Spend less energy trying to “fix” weaknesses.

5. Seek support early

Parenting a gifted child can feel isolating.

Do again: Connect with other parents and professionals. Seek advice and empower yourself by gathering knowledge about the topic.
Change: Don’t wait until things feel overwhelming.

6. Learn to advocate for your child

Advocacy is essential when a gifted child is struggling at school. If you don’t speak up for your child - chances are no-one else will. It’s not your job to be the easiest parent for a teacher, you need to be the best parent for your child.

Do again: Speak up.
Change: Worry less about being “that parent.”

Final Thoughts for Parents of Gifted Children

Being bright does not mean life — or school — will be easy.

Many gifted and neurodivergent children struggle in traditional education environments. They may feel misunderstood, disconnected, or under-challenged.

If that’s your child, you are not alone.

And if you’re at the beginning of this journey, start here:
Trust your child.
Trust yourself.
And know that there are ways to better support gifted children — even if they’re not always obvious at first.

About the Author

Katja Eager is the founder of The Bright Line, supporting parents of gifted and neurodivergent children in New Zealand. Drawing on lived experience and over a decade in gifted education, she helps families navigate school challenges, emotional intensity, and how to support their child’s unique strengths.

Find more support for gifted children at ww.thebrightline.co.nz